One thing you must know

I think you must remember one thing my darling dearest....People only tell you, what they want you to know. Honesty and the truth are of very little consequence.

The Game

My finger tips brush across the keyboard.
So many things inside my head
Itching to get out.
Where do I begin.
And how much do I let you see.
A glimmer, A glimpse
Into what is Me.

All that I could tell you
All that I could say
A seduction of thought

Whirling twirling
threatening to explode.
And when I'm done this little
diatribe
What accomplishment will be shown
None
You can't give me anything that
I can not give myself
But we'll play the game of
make believe
and fantasy
and hope.

Daddy

You've taken your deli ticket.
And now you sit and wait.
You don't seek any atlernative.
You won't stand and fight.
All you talk of is the end.
The things that we can do,
once you are gone.

You make me so fucking angry.
Why do you do that?
Just wait and wait...
Get up damn it!
Make the changes.
Find the answers to your illness.
Look for joy in the youth around you.
Make love and laugh.
Enjoy whatever time is left.

Don't sit there and wait for your
Turn in the Deli line of life
To Die

Can you see clearly yet?

I'm here.
I have been since the beginning.
I didn' think it would turn out this way.
Time went so quickly and we
became so wrapped up in it all.
Faster than we should've perhaps.
That doesn't matter now.
What's done is done.
We're both in pain.
This is not the easy route.
And certainly not the one I want to take.
I want to keep you forever and
hold you tight.
Can you see clearly yet?
Can you see that I love you?
That we should be together?
You were the only one to make me
truely happy.
Boo that says a lot.

Back to us you run

Funny how you've spent your life
Thinking you deserved so much more

Our house, our home, our family
not good enough for you

Yet everytime things are hard
or help is what you need

Right back to us you run

All that I can give you

You put me on a pedestal
Naked and exposed
I am the angel that you pray too
For miracles I can not grant
My greatest fear
To fall and fail you
Look at me now
Closer than you have before
See that I will not give you
All that you have asked
It's really very simple
More than you could know
All that I can give to you
Is me

We used to be close...

We used to be close.
Friends for so long
and a connection so tight.

Then you ruined it
Sexuality has no place
In our relationship
You were my friend
Why cross that boundary
Why try to take it further

Now it's been over a year
I miss you terribley
But when you're around I'm
so aware of the way you look at me

You have the learing eyes of a man
You're so pretty and so female
Why take on such a look?
I am not what you want
Only what you think you want
He made you think it
For his own indulgence

I wish that you could stop it now
so that we could go back
to the way we used to be
You can't though
You're too wrapped up in him

I won't fuck you
I said no then
And I said no the second time you asked
And I will say no if you ask again.

Stop, just stop looking at me like that.
Please.

Back and Forth.....

Back and Forth.
Up and Down.
Fast and Slow.

Fuck
I want to stop
this
merry go round,
this roller coaster
this cheap ass carnival ride.
It's not funny anymore.

Stop the fucking ride.
I want off.
I am no longer amused
by any of it.

I'm calmer now...

The grief and anger have subsided.
Regret remains.
Ahh but that is a fact of life
On some level there is regret
for most things we do or didn't do.
So forward I move.
No other choice really.